No more frozen knuckles!

The first two decades of our marriage were highlighted with the annual discussion about putting up the exterior Christmas lights -- the discussion was rarely pleasant! Sorry, but chicks just don't get it. They've never experienced the frozen knuckles that accompany the task (high atop a wobbly ladder)...when hammer hits bare skin after bouncing off frozen rain gutter....shi-i-i-i-i-yikes! So imagine how wondrous it is to put up Christmas lights on a sunny (warm!) afternoon, where the only ice involved is the ice on the outside of my chilled martini glass...raised in a festive cheer when the job is complete! How I love California! Happy, happy holidays! -Merrill

Photo: The twinkling lights go up: reflected in the window of our holiday "spare bedroom"...the Toaster, our Airstream trailer!

If you can't stand the heat...

This photo was taken in the kitchen of The Tower Restaurant at the Paris Casino in Las Vegas. Cousins Usha and Emrys Rees (who we love and adore) had just been treated to an orgasmic meal of French cuisine, what a delight!

But, AFTER the picture was taken we hustled ourselves into the elevator, where we were accompanied by three other tourists in Vegas -- three young ladies (ages about 25-30) from England. The cute little wee one looked up at me (in my cowboy hat) and said, "Are you a real cowboy?"

To which I answered, "Oh yeah, darlin' I'm the real thang! You oughta see my horse!"

Then one of her companions said, "She's been looking for a cowboy ever since we arrived in Las Vegas!"

So I put my arms around Martha and said to the sweet young thing, "I'm sorry sweetheart, you arrived a little too late. I already have my cowgirl."

But you know in my heart I was thinking what every red-blooded male would be thinking: "Martha, I love you. But right at this very moment I wish you were a thousand miles away."

What happens in Vegas...is all nonsense. What happens when you return to your hotel room with your wife...now you've hit the jackpot! -Merrill

(Photo: The meal cost a fortune but it was worth every penny. When the spoonful of creme brule hit my mouth, I wanted to die in ecstacy right there and then! And I don't even like creme brule!)

Fore! Play, on the third Sunday of November.

Yes, it's cheating a bit. She didn't really play 9 holes...in fact she just drives the cart and keeps score but hey, she's out there on the golf course, and it's November! We LOVE California. She also is putting on a smiley face just for me because I know in her heart she's thinking, "Take the picture Merrill, we've played the 9 holes, let's go because I'd rather be home wrapping Christmas presents for our grandkids."...which we did later! Among other things. So you see, we both got what we wanted, now THAT'S the way to spend a Sunday in November. -Merrill

(Photo: Martha's first round of golf after hip surgery...six weeks to the day!)

It ain't the Jordan River...

Okay, it's just a swimming pool. But for Merrill and Martha it's like the freakin' Jordan River. Because in these miraculous waters Martha can move her legs -- those unfortunate appendages that were stricken by post-polio syndrome. In this pool, and the weightless environment it provides, is the daily tonic she needs to keep those legs moving, especially now that she has no pain after the hip replacement. So, people, is it any wonder we're toasting the event with a martini! Martha has survived the surgery, and gone on to recover in the newness of life. It's the baptism of: "I'm back, bring it on!" She's back in the pool! Yay! -Merrill

(Photo: By Bradley McLean, neighbour and dearest friend, who spoke those magical words..."Let me get my camera.")

By any other name.

We stopped at a yard sale today. It was one of those yards sales where the junk has been in the yard for, well, years. Everything was covered in dust. You don't really want to touch anything, but you want to stop to take a look just in case. Martha waited for me in the car. Now that she can't walk any distances Martha sends me in to scout the territory, especially when the pickin's are iffy. What a wasteland, I was thinking! Get me out of here!

The yard was still and quiet as I surveyed the piles of "stuff". I almost missed her at first: a little old lady sitting amid the rubble. She wore a wool hat and a fuzzy old sweater. I poked around long enough to be polite, and even found a couple of items to buy. As I was paying for them, Martha called out from the car, "What lovely roses!"

There in the middle of everything was an ancient rose bush, with a few struggling blooms and buds. The little old lady looked at me and said, "Would you like to take those scissors and cut her a rose?"

She helped me cut the stem at just the right place -- and the gift was given. And a lesson learned. -Merrill

(Photo: The Monte Vista Avenue rose. A special gift received on Sunday, November 4th.)

Define Scary!

Let's face it...it's just two old retired geezers dressed up in Wal-Mart Hallowe'en garb, although it's rather tastefully done don't you agree? Especially Martha's lace panties. Hardly scary. But in another part of our world -- Pakistan to be exact -- President Pervez Musharraf has just declared emergency rule. Now that's frightening! -Merrill

Oh-h-h-h-h-h-klahoma!

[Overheard in a conversation in southeast Oklahoma. A conversation between a tourist and a local woman who had just been asked about some local flowers growing nearby:]

"Those are beautiful yellow flowers, what are they?" said the tourist.
"Wildflowers," replied the local woman.
"Oh, what kind of wildflowers?" asked the curious tourist.
"Yellow wildflowers," came the reply.
"Oh."

[Photo: Martha and her sister-in-law Leona, who flew all the way to Oklahoma to lovingly prepare 3 meals a day for Martha after her hip surgery, because, well, after major surgery, having 3 yummy home-cooked meals a day -- served on a deck overlooking beautiful rural Oklahoma -- is a sure-fire recipe for "get well soon"!]

Half Empty? Half Full?

There are two ways to look at it: being hospitalized on your birthday might seem like a bad thing but (1) hey, you're likely to get a free cake (albeit baked in the hospital kitchen) and (2) if you're recovering in the hospital after hip surgery you're still breathing aren't you -- always a good thing on your birthday. And, as a bonus, you just might meet someone extraordinarily special like Bibi, a Venezuelan firecracker of a nurse who looked after Martha and became, well, a friend. Now that's a birthday! -Merrill

(Photo: McBride Orthopedic Clinic, Oklahoma City. Martha and Bibi doing the birthday thing, minutes before Bibi sang to her the Venezuelan Birthday Song, the longest and most beautiful birthday song the world! Everybody cried!)

Back in Toronto!

"Thump, thump, thump went the city!" We found ourselves back in Toronto in August for Brad's wedding (to cute-as-a-button Brigid) and found oursleves enjoying the dull roar and hum of metropolitan life -- not to mention the mind-blowing cultural diversity that is Toronto! Bonus: the house where we were staying was a few blocks from "Taste of the Danforth" a Greek culinary extravaganza (attended by 1.5 million people) which we had never savoured in all the years we lived here. But better late than never. We felt alive. We felt energized. - M&M

(Photo: Two old geezers from Prince Edward Island enjoying the delights of "Taste of the Danforth" in Toronto.)

It's a big tall house...

Sorry...I keep returning to this theme but today was one of the best days of my life. The sun was shining and I sucessfully painted the highest peak of Wyndham House (our home in PEI). Our friend Caitlin came over to help Martha with the housework. My sister Leona brought over some homemade biscuits for lunch. We spent time in the pool -- watching the newly-installed TV. We had a nice glass of wine before bedtime. Nobody got injured. Did I mention the sun was shining and that the temperatures were perfect for a wondrous Prince Edward Island summer day? How can it get any better than this? - Merrill

(Photo: Martha's photo shows Merrill doing a death-defying paint job -- with a tip of the hat to the Flying Wallendas. Please note, ladies and gentlemen, there is no safety net!)

Her little boy

Wow! Lookit these two. Taking a boat ride around Bowen Island off Vancouver. Are they cute or what? And is she proud of him? You betcha. He (Johnny, her baby boy) owns the best restaurant on Bowen Island[www.thegalleybistro.com] where she (Martha) gets free martinis. How great is that? Life takes some funny twists doesn't it? Bring it on.

Unicorn Blood

Our grandson Jack is staying with us in PEI for two weeks while his parents are having their own summer adventure in China. Jack and I were washing our hands after 9 holes of golf when some liquid soap spilled on the sink. "Hey," he said, "It looks like Unicorn blood."

The scary part is that I know what he was talking about.* We've been watching a lot of movies at night -- in the station wagon. Yes, we're sleeping in the car. He thinks it's more fun than a tent. Who am I to argue? I'm just the kid's grandfather, I gladly do what I'm asked! And on we go! -Merrill

*Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, the scene where Hagrid, Harry, Hermione and Ron are in the Forbidden Forest.

"The train to Union Station has been delayed..."

"How sweet it is to see her at the wheel of a golf cart on a sun-kissed morning in Lake Havasu City, Arizona at 7 a.m. -- recalling the hundreds (and hundreds) of days she spent trudging up the stairs at the Kipling GO Station (at 7 a.m.), stomping the slush off her boots, knowing it would be dark once again that evening when the train finally pulled into Kipling Station on the return journey, at the end of the day -- just in time for her to walk the three blocks home on icy, snow filled streets...okay, enough! Let's just luxuriate in this moment: no deadlines, no early morning meetings...the biggest Human Resources decison Martha needs to make this morning is whether or not it's a good idea to let her husband know that, maybe he should have used his pitching wedge instead of his 9-iron.

By the way did I mention I adore her." -Merrill

The Liquid of Life

Sweat, not water, or semen, or amniotic fluid, is the liquid of life! - Merrill, June 2007

(Photo: Merrill demonstrates that even in the middle of the Mojave Desert, the leaf blower is an essential part of life...and oh, by the way, anyone who speaks ill of the leaf blower....has never used one!)

Such a Typical Male

"I spent the day with our grandson Cole (age 8, soon to be 9)...mostly on the golf course, the rest of the day shopping and working on his throw to first base.

Anyway, on our way to the golf course, I said, "Hey, remember that hole-in-one I got last summer in Prince Edward Island when we were golfing with your cousin Jack?"

So he replies -- in a manner that reflects the way all of us guys think, but later in life work to cover up politely-- "Yeah, well it barely went in."

I'm happy to report that today I beat him...by two strokes! Take that, Mister "Barely Went In" - Merrill

Up in flames!

"Don't hesitate to burn your bridges behind you. If you're doing things right, the place where you are is probably better than where you were anyway. And besides, you can always swim back -- it's good exercise." M&M

(Photo: "Merrill takes a hands-on approach to photography in Chennai, South India"

Don't leave it too late

"I'm trying (hard) to work on developing a sex addiction -- but Martha thinks I may have left it a bit too late." -Merrill

(Photo: Martha contemplates her options at The Horizon Hotel (her favorite) in Palm Springs. Sex followed.)

Half empty? Half full?

"Half the battle is knowing you've got a good thing." -Martha

(Photo: Snow! In Twentynine Palms! Bring it on!)

Overheard in a recent conversation about religion: "It's not a matter of whether your myth is bigger or better than my myth... let's face it, neither one of us thinks our myth is a myth!"

(Photo: Hearts connect at Meenakshi Temple in Madurai, Tamil Nadu, South India)

Susan wins the lottery!!!

Did you ever wonder what it's like to be with someone when they just found out they've won the multi-million dollar lottery? Let me tell you what it's like: our friend Susan (our neighbour in Twentynine Palms, shown here with Martha and husband Norm) called us two days after Easter. She was calling from the hospital where she had undergone surgery in which they removed part of her lung after a diagnosis of cancer.

She said, "Come to the hospital at 11 o'clock. I'm going home! And the results of the biopsy show no more signs of cancer!"

Now there's a woman who just won the freakin' lottery of life! She said that when she finally was discharged and the sunshine hit her face and the smells of the desert air filled her lungs, "I felt like a flower that was opening up," she said, "I cried."

And with good reason. Thanks to good old western medicine, a brilliant surgeon, and her incredible positive spirit --unlike anything we had ever seen before -- her possible death sentence had been lifted. You go girl! Go spend your winnings!

Easter '07 in Palm Springs: reflections on retirement

"Retirement: it's kind of like that feeling you used to get at the end of August when you had to go back to school and wished you could start the summer all over again. Well when you're retired -- you can!" -Merrill

(Photo: Martha with Brad & Brigid at Horizon Hotel, Palm Springs)

Ode to older women

Our grandson Jack [age 8] was visiting us last week, on his March Break.

We were also expecting a visit from Graham and Carol -- business associates from Toronto -- with their three daughters [ages 10, 12 and 15] . Jack was looking forward to meeting them and said, "You know me Merrill, I like older women."

Then he asked me, "Which of the girls is the prettiest?"

"Well Jack," I said, "They are actually all beautiful, each in their own way."

He paused. A lengthy pause. Then replied, "I hope they remembered to bring their bathing suits."

Don't save your life -- spend it!

"If you're thinking about saving your life, don't SAVE it -- spend it...now!"

-Merrill

No, we're fine...seriously!

"Please don't worry that we seem to have totally lost touch with reality: we've worked hard to get here and we're loving it. "

-M&M

(Photo: A playful elevator moment, Caesar's Palace, Las Vegas. Sex followed.)

"Ya gotta love Hawaii"

"Addict yourself to adrenalin -- while you still can."

- Merrill

(Photo: Lumaha'i Beach, where Mitzi Gaynor said she was going to "wash that man right out of my hair" in South Pacific)

The Queen of Kauai

Martha...feeling no pain in Hawaii - with Kauai's Napali coast in the distance. We did a sunset dinner cruise on March 5 to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary. Sweet!

"Death: half the fun is getting there."
-Merrill

The Best Day of My Life

"How's your day going?" the cashier at the hardware store asked me yesterday.

"Well," I replied. "I guess this could be one of the best days of my life."

"Wow, something really great must have happened!"

"No, not really. I'm just buying some stuff, the sun is shining, the car's working great, I don't have a lot to do today, I had a nice breakfast, I'll be taking a dip in the pool this afternoon. It's the kind of day I've been working my whole life for, so I think this actually qualifies as one of the best days of my life."

"Hey I never thought about it like that before." she said. "That's a good way of looking at it."

"Yup."